Saturday, September 19, 2015

in cold light

light of a firefly is rather insignificant in a full moon night, last night was incidentally the second full moon of this month; a rather significant event. It happens only once in a couple of years. It's like a leap year but not exactly like a leap year. Tonight too the moon is equally large as it was yesterday; only a little insignificantly less round when I saw it this evening.

Boomon is young now, he will understand when his time comes. Still it were stupid of him to jump like that. I knew he will live through it for sure for how good swimmer he is; one of the best around here. But hadn't it been for him I would have lost myself today, the current was too powerful and I was holding on that young tree for too long. How long could it stand there that betelnut tree before it had to give way. They don't have strong roots but it tried it's best, only the water was stronger. I could not feel my hands they were numb for a long time and when water pulled me in I could not swim; I could not make  my hands move. Boomon saved me today, may God save him too.

The moon is no longer up tonight, it's a little red this sky but more darker still. Even the breeze is silent no trees stand for it to rustle with leaves, nor is there any sound of a distant window banging its sill. It's all silent now, it wasn't so silent yesterday when water began to close in. It roused and flowed and engulfed everything on its way- entirely everything that was my family, my home, my fields, my present, my past, my future, my hope I can even see this wind blowing over it tonight; such merciless night this is.

I don't want to keep looking at it anymore let me lie down, this high ground is a highway- was one actually. They say its been broken at more than three places. I still remember about twenty years from now when Kothaltoli was half a day's walk from Rongapara and Jotin Mama would bring us here to see motorgaaris on this highway. I was afraid of the loud sound these lorries would make and would have my hands over my ears every time one passed by. Jotin mama was a good man he gave us his furthest paddy field when Kothaltoli went to the river. My mother was his favorite sister, and so he was our favorite Mama. Few years back even Rongapara went to the river, same year Jotin Mama died of fever. Since then Boomon has lived with us, he is Jotin Mama's only son. Today he saved me.

This lonely firefly is such a small light but it's so bright and so clear tonight. Is it trying to inspire me, inspire me of what? I have lost everything that was mine, that was me. I can not think of anything, that betelnut tree was my last hope, even it left me in this flood, I have no hope left, I am so broken. In trails of its light I see the river, this river hasn't grown wider from all that it has taken in these many years, I wonder why!

I must have fallen asleep its still dark not sure how long since I slept but what I see is no less heavenly, nothing ever so beautiful I had ever woke up to. Hundreds and thousands of fireflies everywhere around me along the entire stretch of this deserted highway. A strange happy feeling I feel now like I am in middle of the milky-way, among all those stars while my world is upside down. A very significant challenge this is, yet an insignificant foe it became.